Relocation?

I've relocated my personal blurbs to tumblr because I like the format better. It works better for my university induced word vomit. Because I don't have time to put up forming multiple consecutive coherent thoughts.

http://passiveperfectionist.tumblr.com/

I'm unsure if this is a temporary or permanent relocation but I'll still be lurking around the blogosphere.
Hearts,
Julianne

"The god of chaos touches our lives..."

After just 19 days here, I'm planning a weekend escape to my cousin's camouflage wedding. I've got my bus tickets and I'm ready to leave this sometimes suffocating campus for a few days.

University life is too intense right now and I just need to back up so I can get a grip on reality again. I had a bit of a bad experience a few nights ago that left me in pretty rough shape* and I can't stand being in this city for another consecutive weekend after that. I'm angry at a few people, as well as this city collectively. Much like Hannah and I, we'll take some time to figure out living together and things will be peachy after that. But as of right now, Halifax and I have some things to work through.

Somehow, my attempt to relocate reality includes a ring bearing dog in a camouflage bow tie.

Liberal arts might be driving me to insanity.

*Don't worry, I'm ok. It's quite a story but I need some time before I can tell it. If you're too worried about me and you have the means, send me a message or something.
Hearts,
Julianne

Unobtrusiveness, vegan baking and party Mondays.

People are slowly but surely turning into distinct friend groups and, much like high school, I haven't found myself in any of them but rather on the outskirts of many. I suppose it's a good place to be and there's still a lot of time for this to change but there are advantages to not having a super defined friend group at this point. For example,  I can feel out who will and won't annoy me come a few months from now. If people annoy me after a week then I can drift away and no feelings will be hurt. Bam, I can be around the people who are worth it in the long run. Another perk is that because I'm only one person and I don't have a posse, I'm competent at crashing parties and other social events. It's not particularly hard to socialize with some people for a while when you have no obligation to stay for a particular amount of time. My high school experience was pretty devoid of parties but the skills of finding a group of people to prevent me from aimlessly wandering during lunch have paid off. I think that I fall into the female category of 'chill bro' because very few people have ever been offended with my personality or presence. I'm pretty unobtrusive.

Yesterday I made vegan baked goods with my cool vegan friend Catherine from next door. She's really cool and we made friends with people in the kitchen who were cooking massive amounts of Kraft Dinner and eating it out of the pot. I've decided that vegan baking is better than normal baking because the batter can be eaten without fear of raw eggs.

This strange phenomenon happens here on Mondays. Due to the FYP program only being four days a week and no classes on Tuesday, Mondays become a party night. I went to a brief, awful party last night where there were about thirty people in a double room and most people were absolutely hammered by 9:30pm. However, I and all the other journalism students on campus have four hours of journalism on Tuesdays so I must come to terms with being one of the small fraction of the campus to revive themselves every Tuesday morning and go about business as usual except more lectures and pressure than usual. I feel like parties inherently don't work on Mondays so I've come to terms with it.
Hearts,
Julianne

King's and Frosh week: The balance between classy and trashy.

I don't know how this place doesn't have a reputation for being a party school but it's probably because it's only the first three days of frosh week and a few big parties a year that are super insane from what I've heard. Now that we have launched into the 47 book reading list, things have quieted down significantly, such as the residences being filled with people reading in silence instead of intoxicated people yelling about philosophy. However, it's now the weekend so there will probably be more shenanigans.

My building and floor are nice but living with Hannah is a bit wearing so far. We are opposite in the ways that I love academics and she loves socializing. It works out in a friendship but living together we're going to find some clashes every now and then especially because of her occasional diva fits and she sometimes feels I'm annoyed at her when I'm really just introverted. I don't mind having people in the room even if I am sitting in the corner doing mostly my own thing. I also can't read when she's in the room because she is constantly unsettled and I need a chill reading environment. We'll reach an understanding eventually for living in the same room. I love her to death but living in this proximity to her will be a learning curve for both of us. It'll all balance out eventually and I'm not worried about it.

I enjoy that Allan lives in town. He lives in a dorm style room on the top floor of the building that's the highest point east of Montreal and the owner of the building let the top floors turn to anarchy, essentially. He loves it and it's also a nice place to get away from the sometimes suffocatingly small campus of King's. Allan is the bro I need to be chill and also fix anything technology related that I need to set up. He's a nice constant to have in my life.

I've found some really cool people so far. I've also found myself in a multiday argument over the pronunciation of the word 'bagel' with one guy because he's convinced 'bagel' is not said with a hard 'a.' Considering that my school is about 75% people from Toronto, there are many people to back him up. I feel like one of us needs to emerge victorious but I'm unsure of how to settle this.
Hearts,
Julianne

I can't fight this sentimental feeling anymore.

I'm all packed.

Which is weird to say because it's been two weeks of work, including most of the last three days, to get me to this point. I didn't realize how much junk I owned until I filled the back of a van with stuff and my room still doesn't quite feel as empty as it should.

I feel closure that I didn't think I'd feel. I've done the things on my summer bucket list and I'm ready for 'the big city' of Halifax and 47 books between now and April. Bring it.

I'm ready for new adventures and new challenges. I'm ready to be around copious amounts knowledge. I'm ready to lived in an ivy covered stone building with Hannah in a room that will probably be a cozy shrine to Monet, Beyonce and hot beverages. I'm ready for reading three hours a day. I'm ready to meet the likely colourful characters of King's grad class of 2017.

I'm having a cliched 'first day of the rest of my life' feeling. But that's probably because all my stuff is in boxes, I've spent the past few days saying goodbye to nearly all but half a dozen people in my life for a minimum of a few months and I need to hang on to something other than sadness. I'm hanging on to the fact that I'm moving towards what I want to do, what is going to lead my life in the direction I want and feel it should go. I'm confident that I'm going the right places and I appreciate when I can feel certain towards anything anymore.

I've always felt that I would take Journalism in university. I'm not sure if it's the field I'll end up in but wherever it leads I'm sure I'll make the most of it. The school and the program itself will take me on crazy adventures, not to mention whatever comes after it. For the first time in a long time, my excitement has overtaken my fear about the future. It's a nice change; I hope it sticks around.
Hearts,
Julianne

Believe it or not,

Despite all the bitching and complaining in the past year, I'm going to miss Starbucks.

I won't miss that green apron, sweeping and mopping, consecutive closes, mind numbingly slow days, or dealing with a few people who are consistantly shitty human beings*.

I'll miss talking to the regulars who are friendly and interesting**, working with some pretty cool people, experimenting with new drinks, being skilled at something that doesn't mentally drain me, giving my friends free drinks (under the radar), getting a pound of free coffee a week and about $10 of pocket change a week from tips plus a paycheck.

Though it took a while and I didn't think it would happen, I genuinely enjoyed working in the service industry. Most people were awesome, and all said, Starbucks isn't a bad company to work for once you adjust to how intense some of the people you work with get about it. I'm more comfortable with taking to people now, a good change from 15 year old Julianne who went through most of 9th grade without talking to anyone. It's surprising that I can come out of this saying that I genuinely like people more than I did before. Also, nearly a year of good job experience and a good set of skills for future jobs. I'm getting a liberal arts degree so coffee shop experience is important *snark about future job prospects.*

7/10, would do again if necessary.

*I dislike you very strongly, Venti Kenya, you entitled little asshat. 

** There's Frank who appreciates my sass, and Mike who tries to convince all of us to get our motorcycle license because he teaches the course. And there's this one guy who followed the Obama campaign in 2008 and after unintentionally overhearing a few of his conversations it feels like he walked out of an Aaron Sorkin TV drama. That said, we bonded over The Newsroom.
Hearts,
Julianne

So few days ahhhh.

I should start by noting that it's very important to me that Grimes and 2 Chainz accidentally wore matching pants to the VMAs. Iconic fashion moment right there.

Also, I worked my last coffee slinging shift yesterday and I feel a little weird about it. My closet is full of too many options and colors because I'm no longer obligated to be a monochromatic coffee slave. I'm honestly pretty overwhelmed. I'm far too used to choosing one of three shirts and four pairs of pants in addition to my ratty before or after work clothes. I've haven't had to put together a legitimate outfit in the morning for what feels like months. I wonder when it's going to hit me that I'm not getting a regular pay cheque anymore. My family is thrifty so I'll get by fine, it's in my genetics.

I also have nowhere I must be until Friday when I move. The two friends I spend the most time with, Moriah and Maegan, have already moved away so I have time cleared to see other people before I go. However, I've either turned to tumblr or sewing things whenever I actually try to do things lately. I feel like I should probably see people for closure if anything but I really don't want to leave my house lately. Probably because I'm overwhelmed with the knowledge that there will be an avalanche of new people and places thrown into my life before the week is out.

I start driving up on Friday and I'm moving into my dorm on Saturday. That's so few days.  
Hearts,
Julianne

Music that defined my summer.

In light of my summer coming to a close, I decided to make a playlist. I saw some of these at Osheaga and others are songs that stuck around for the summer. It seems like the right thing to do after a summer of essential teenage experiences including working at a coffee shop, going on a road trip that was planned during a high school journalism class, attending a music festival, late night pizza runs, regularly sitting on the boardwalk for hours at a time, coming home at 2am and generally stumbling into adulthood in the company of my friends before heading off to university.

1. Intro - Alt-J
2. Radioactive - Imagine Dragons
3. Oxford Comma - Vampire Weekend
4. Time to Pretend - MGMT
5. Flowers In Your Hair - The Lumineers
6. Tessellate - Alt-J
7. It - Rich Aucoin
8. Keep Your Head Up - Ben Howard
9. It's Time - Imagine Dragons
10. Youth - Daughter
11. Oblivion - Grimes
12. Diane Young - Vampire Weekend
13. Bitch Don't Kill My Vibe - Kendrick Lemar
14. Young and Beautiful - Lana Del Rey  
15. Nancy From Now On - Father John Misty
16. Last Known Surroundings - Explosions in the Sky (It's long but worth sticking around for the entire song)

Hearts,
Julianne

The tiny latte that stole my heart.

I'm not used to starting my day before noon and today I got off work at 1:30 before it felt like the day had even begun.

I worked at another store, one that I've always enjoyed more than my own because everyone that works there have always been welcoming and laid back, a nice break from the sometimes uptight clique vibe of my store. I like that there's things to do other than clean everything over and over again and I can easily distract myself from the recent perpetual feeling of panicked unpreparedness for the next few weeks. Part way through the shift, one guy I was working with gave me a tiny latte that he made with some leftover milk. It made me very happy to drink an adorable two ounce latte given to me by an adorable boy. I'm going to miss the barista life especially because I've gotten genuinely pretty good at it and comfortable with the people I work with. It occurred to me the other day that if I really desired to not go to university in the fall it would be so easy to fall into baristaing nearly full time. Management loves me and I like coffee slinging enough as of late that I could pull it off. But alas, after seeing Missy's and Reeves's steep decline into mediocrity in the year after high school, I'm happy I'm moving away and going to school so I don't end up in the sad state of 'endless summertime' in which they exist. I have too much ambition and I'm not nearly burnt out enough for me to voluntarily agree to that. Gap years are usually suppose to help you find direction but I think my ambition would drain with surprising speed.

The rest of my day was spent rewatching the first season of The Newsroom and trying to stay awake with an eventual short bout of packing.
Hearts,
Julianne

How to social activity featuring free food.

It was just one of those days that jumped from breakfast with Moriah and Tatyana, shopping, lunch, killing time at my store and casually meeting our district manager while I was trudging through Plato's Republic, day trip to Saint Martin's with Rachel where we walked on cliffs and found ourselves almost stranded on them because of the tide, ate a greasy super at a small restaurant with damn fine fries, hung out in Steve's shed/haven of indie, went to a dock to go swimming and didn't actually get in the water, went to Starbucks and got free drinks and weirdly enough free pizza, went to the uptown boardwalk just in time to see a small mosh pit of drunk middle aged white women dancing to 80s music, wandered to a private terrace for fancy apartments and sat there, sat on the boardwalk, had Reeves and his band of ruffians Kevin and Joe show up from nowhere and hang out on the boardwalk with Rachel, Steve and I, throwing fake money on the boardwalk, the group of us going to Reeves' house at 12:30 and listening to a crazy selection of music above his garage which was essentially hotboxed with cigarette smoke, throwing fake money everywhere, getting home a bit after 2am and so ready for a 9am shift tomorrow, all eight and a half hours of it.
Hearts,
Julianne

Hello darkness, my old friend.

I thought I was coping with university preparation but then I got plowed down with stress and anxiety. I'm coming face to face with the huge commitment I need for school and my 47 book long reading list for the year plus a ton of writing, and all the while I'm going to be four hours away from my family, especially because my grandparents are moving into town while I'm away.

I'm really bad at dealing with extended stress. For example, I suddenly noticed I haven't eaten much for the last two weeks because I haven't been able to stomach much. Also, my system being the eccentric annoyance that it is, I get lactose intolerant when I'm stressed. Since I got back from Osheaga, I haven't been able to drink milk without feeling disgusting afterwards. In addition to dietary stuff, I've been regularly walking a predetermined loop through suburbia which is more or less a nervous habit I developed a few years back.

Basically, my preparation has included procrastinating, panicking, and then impulsively doing thing. Today I had a strong urge to go a thrifting journey just for flannel plaid shirts because I felt it would be beneficial to me as a liberal arts student. I'm not actually doing anything real to prepare, just working my way down a list of superficial things that help me feel like I'm not slacking entirely.
Hearts,
Julianne

Another day, another dollar.

The last few days have found me saying "I don't care, I'm gone in two weeks" excessively but not unnecessarily.

This has become especially relevant at work. I can get away with a plethora of little things because of my truly apparent apathy. This includes but is not limited to:

• stealthily giving friends free drinks (my personal rule is for friends it's free unless it's a fappuccino or I'm working with a shift who scares me)
• giving strangers free drinks on a whim to be nice
• spilling drinks on strangers. Oops.
• not charging for extras (i.e. soy, syrup, etc) because I like certain people
• charging for every single extra when I don't like certain people
• telling my co-workers to go on frequent smoke breaks because I don't care at all
• when making two consecutive of the same cold tall drink, I've been making a venti and pouring it into two tall cups. I've also been charging accordingly because I don't give a damn about sales. I don't want people to pay $9 for the exact same quantity of liquid they could get for $5.50.
• persuading my coworkers with my charm and the "I'm leaving in two weeks I know you'll miss me" card so they open fall drink components so I can get some fall drinks a month before they roll them out and I, then no longer their employee, will have to pay for them. I plan to drink all the illegitimate preseasonal salted caramel mochas courtesy of my manipulative skills.
• getting my free drinks that when punched into the register come to ridiculously high prices, which today included a $5.42 short, followed later by an impressive $7.06 grande. It's fun shocking my co-workers with my ability to casually customize my drink to that level of intensity. 
• Making under the table survey deals with my co-worker's boyfriend, that if he gave us all fives on the survey, I would give him a complimentary grande beverage instead of a tall. This is entirely a selfish move because work is really chill when our survey marks are up.
• Riffling through merchandise while on the clock during slow times to see if there's anything I want to buy while I still have discount. Unfortunately, both the Cole Porter and the Motown CDs were sold and I'm sad. 
• Considering taking a small plastic french press scoop that no one uses it and I lost mine at home. 
• I answered Reeves from across the store that we don't recycle because we don't believe in the environment. Kim thought I was talking to a stranger and was a little mortified at how cavalier I was but it didn't amount to anything.

And yet I'm still not doing anything I can get seriously reprimanded for. At least I'm not taking bottles of bathroom cleaner like one guy at another store did. It really messed up their inventory but I hear he has an exceptionally clean bathroom. That said, the fact that well over half of the Starbucks employees in the city know about this guy's exceptionally clean bathroom and the fact that his girlfriend of ten years left him for a woman, it reminds me of the weird barista subculture in my city. I think I'll miss their gossip, complaining about people, sharing protips, and not being expected to pay for drinks.
Hearts,
Julianne

BEDA 10

This isn't working this year. I'm too overwhelmed with life and I don't feel the need to capture it in writing.

I'll keep posting but rather at a voluntary instead of daily pace.

Love you guys.
Juliae

BEDA 9: Eugh.

All my emotions for the past two days have been anger, nostalgia and the emotional equivalent of a droning noise.

I got called into work at a busy store and wasn't mentally prepared. I drank a lot of coffee and won Jamie's respect finally. Unlike my store, I eventually had a lovely shift working with people who aren't uptight and anxious women with OCD, who react to my bad puns, and with actual customers coming through.

I took a bunch of pictures today but I just put on nail polish and would wreck it getting my SD card out of my camera.

Oh no it's only the 9th day and I'm already getting lazy. Oh well. It's a day of being tired and lost.
Hearts,
Julianne

BEDA 8: Loose ends

Reality continues to punch me in the face.

The last few days have found me in a state where I want to slap no less than half a dozen people upside the head repeatedly. The end of high school was nothing compared to this. Tonight I said the first real goodbye of this summer and it hit me that we're reaching the actual end. Loose ends are ambushing everyone; it's surprising what sort of garbage one can rack up in the first eighteen years of one's life. I'm so angry at so many people and I want to get rid of as much of it as I can before the finality of August 31st. I hate knowing that more things are going to come up and at least some of it will remain.

In less than a month, my friends will be scattered. I won't have Maegan, Moriah and so many other people a few minutes away. I won't have the default hang out spots, the familiar faces, the comforts of knowing what's what. I can only hope I don't have a ton of baggage left from home. I want a clean slate so I can launch into the fall with a good mindset.

But right now I'm so incredibly angry that I want to senselessly destroy things.
Hearts,
Julianne

BEDA 4: August 4th

We woke up hungover on cheap wine and freedom. I vowed to avoid substances for the somewhat near future out of self respect and honestly being entirely turned off them. Small reminders of what had happened the previous night were hanging around, such as a floor coated with crunched up ramen noodles and the lipstick coated rim on the box of Pure Breakfast, reminding us that we had chased the worst wine in the world (decidedly worse than Strawberry Hill) with juice straight from the container.

I guess the trip had gone too smoothly until this point because everything was a trudge from this point on. Maegan and I trudged out to Saint Catherine Street to go shopping while Hannah slept and thanks to a pickpocket, Maegan is now missing her phone and we missed Icona Pop because of our hopeless backtracking. Nausea and defeat were present simultaneously. It was in this state that we ate MacDonald's and in the elevator found that a guy who is a known drug dealer from back home was staying in the room next door to me.

We made it to the festival grounds at 5pm and saw some of the Holy Ghost!, the loudest and most serious synth pop band of all time. We tried to see The Lumineers but we arrived a few minutes after it started so finding a decent spot was a hopeless cause. We left and devoted ourselves to finding prime spots for Father John Misty. It worked and we found ourselves in the 2nd row from the front. Father John Misty was hilarious; he gave me a new appreciation for booty. He works his dance moves and his tight pants like no other white man I've ever seen. His in between song banter was fantastic, as were his frequent trips to his decanter of tequila sitting on an amp. A lady of at least 30 in front of me decided to drink in sync with him from a flask she produced from her purse. She offered some to me and both still being in a 'yolo' mindset and being too passive to say no, I took a swig and immediately regretted it. My system is disgusted with it for the time being.

We were so incredibly tired and hungry by 8 that we decided to miss Mumford and Sons. I'll be forever be a little disappointed in myself for missing that, mostly as a claim to fame, but we had attained the special kind of exhaustion to voluntarily not go to Mumford and Sons. We got Mexican food and I nearly fell asleep in it. I set my alarm for 4:30am and mentally prepared for a day of riding the bus back.
Hearts,
Julianne

BEDA 7: The Gradual Descend

I've gone to this youth weekend called TEC every May for the past few years and I've seen some weird similarities between it and my Osheaga experience. Which is funny considering that TEC consists of 50 people at a summer camp with Jesus and Osheaga consists of 40 000 people on an island with music and an array of substances.

Yet, the amount of parallels I've found are weird. At both, I've found myself fully surrounded by passionate people who are fully present and want to get every last drop of experience that they can. Rarely can you find places where people aren't trying to find distractions. Also, both places allow friendships to be formed extremely fast because there is an insane lack of judgement. Everyone has a starting point for conversation and you probably have things in common or at least a few interesting things to talk about. And most of all, both are an escape from the real world. TEC isn't reality, Osheaga isn't reality. Everyone is living in the moment with full acceptance that the experience is temporary and there's certain freedoms that come with that. Though those freedoms are different, they have the same effect where you can feel out who you are without the usual barriers. At the end, you find yourself thinking about this "real life" thing you have to go back to.

One difference, however, is that they don't give you a "Life after Osheaga" talk on your last day. You have to go back to reality and stumble through the gradual descend from euphoria on your own.

The best part about the trip by far was seeing Maegan legitimately happy for the first time in about a year. The worst part is wondering how long it'll last.
Hearts,
Julianne

BEDA 3: August 3rd

I've always found the middle day of anything to be an awkward day. I don't really like in between phases and the second day of a three day music festival proved to be a little eugh at times. Some smart ass planner probably intentionally placed Jimmy Eat World in the middle of the the middle day so they could play their ever catchy hit of 2001, 'The Middle.' I wish I was joking.

However, we did see some fun bands. Flogging Molly was amusing and the lead guy's banter between songs was hilarious. He dedicated a song to a guy in the front row because "he has the best fucking mohawk I've ever seen." The camera on the crowd found the mohawk guy pretty fast and he was crowd surfing before long. The lead guy cracked open a can of Guinness on stage at 4pm with the explanation of "Say hello to breakfast!" The large percentage of openly drinking performers during the weekend leads me to believe that festivals are the best to play at because everyone just wants everyone else to have a good time which extends to everyone being allowed to do most thing without judgement of any kind, including the performers.

We also saw Imagine Dragons, who put on a pretty intense show. Like Vampire Weekend, the crowd was fun and passionate but not off their rockers (*coughMacklemorecough*). There was a huge drum on the front of the stage and the lead guy pounded it occasionally and then threw the drumstick into the crowd. I saw a girl sitting on a guy's shoulders get smacked with one and fall over in my peripheral vision.

The way the main stages are directly next to each other, we caught a few songs from Jimmy Eat World, despite our greatest efforts to avoid hearing 'The Middle', and Macklemore afterwards. I enjoyed it way too much that Macklemore is a real person and not just a myth as I assumed up until this point and I heard 'Thrift Shop' live and thought it was the most hilarious thing this year that I've casually stumbled past.

After that we went to one of the nice grassy stages and consumed poutine and awful beer while listening to Explosions in the Sky, an instrumental band that made everyone feel high and mellow, that is if they weren't already... there was sort of a haze above the crowd. There were some intense lights happening during the show and sheet lightning started happening; it was perfect. There was a group of guys next to us who were having the time of their life. One began a group hug and I'm pretty sure everyone spilled beer on everyone else but he kissed our heads before walking away and it was still a good experience. Another guy just sort of wrapped his arms around people and started an entire line up of swaying people, likely to support himself in his state of intoxication at the time.

We went back to our dorm and the statement "We need to get rid of our leftover alcohol in the next two nights" was uttered, which it never should be, and I'm drawing a veil of mystery over everything else that happened after that. There's nothing too bad, I'd just rather it stay in Montreal for now. I have funny stories from that night that I'll tell my friends when I'm middle aged and nostalgic for being young. I got a lot of potentially bad things out of my system.
Hearts,
Julianne

BEDA 6: The Reality of the Element of Surprise.

Reality slapped me across the face when I got off the bus yesterday. I realized something about myself that I've always known but have very few actual instances I can bring up to support it.

I don't respond well to change. Especially after an insane five day trip, a fifteen hour bus ride and during an intense burnout.

This reality hit me like a brick when I looked out the bus window as it pulled up to my stop and Kaelen and Tatyana were waiting for me. The thing is that Tatyana moved to Ontario in April and decided to come back for a month, only telling two of my friends. She wanted to surprise me.

My first reaction was indeed surprise and by surprise I mean denial and freaking out. It was followed by getting home and laying debilitated on my bed for two hours and trying not to cry or hyperventilate. Now I'm angry. I wish she'd given me advanced notice that she's jumping back into my life for a month. I'd already accepted that she'd moved on and I was happy about it because I knew it had taken a long time for her to finally move on. I take a long time to adjust to things and surprising me with some bullshit like this is a guaranteed way to screw up my entire head. I need a lot of time for mental preparation or I actually can't cope with things. There is absolutely nothing about me that suggests that I can deal with surprises. For goodness sake, I felt uncomfortable and complained for a month after they changed the tea packaging at work. This is far more drastic than tea packaging.

She can't just show up like this and expect me to welcome her back right away. I know she's going to want things to revert back to how they were a year ago and I can't give her that. I don't know what I can give her. I can't even give her much time; I have a job, other friends, and serious university packing to do. I'm legitimately angry that she showed up unexpectedly.

Nobody ever surprise me like this or I will probably maim you.
Hearts,
Julianne

BEDA 2: August 2nd

We spent more time in the art museum. We started a project we're calling "Getting too close to the art (featuring booty)" and it consists entirely of us reaching just a few inches from the art, just enough to make security a little nervous but not enough to say anything. They've turned out well, considering the thoughtful lighting of the art. With the nature of art, there was some booty art in the museum, so we made sure to take pictures with it. That includes this rather cheeky one:

Similarly, in this one, we are going to touch the butt:

This was also first day of an honest to goodness Osheaga musical festival experience. Apparently there's forty thousand people on this park island thing which lends itself to chaos. The two main stages are directly next to each other so the crowds are insane around there. We discovered that the three of us get crowd anxiety which is unfortunate considering the nature of festivals but good because we were understanding to each other when we needed to breathe. We discovered the other stages that allow room for grass and the crowds are such that I didn't need to hold on to Maegan and Hannah to not lose them.

The acts for the day were firstly Daughter, which I found a bit underwhelming. There was a weird vibe happening, where I think it would have worked better on a smaller stage. It was one of the first acts of the festival so the crowd wasn't adjusted yet. I witnessed two people pass out directly beside me in the space of twenty minutes which served me as a pleasant reminder to stay hydrated. 

I watched a bit of Ben Howard who was very nonchalantly attractive, and that's all I remember from the few minutes I caught. Also caught the rather chill Alt-J which I'd never heard of before but who had a pleasant electronic thing going on while the lead guy opened his eyes maybe once. After taking a break and then catching the tail end of Ellie Golding, Vampire Weekend happened. We managed to work our way closeish to the stage. They launched into the set with Diane Young and played all the songs I wanted to hear them play, we brought bubbles, and the crowd was getting into it, especially the crowd of hippies behind us. Ezra Koenig inspired the fangirl in me by being crazy handsome in person. Also, fun fact: there was a person directly in front of the crowd camera with a lawn flamingo on a giant pole.

The last concert of the night for us was Rich Aucoin who we knew very little about but everyone who had heard of him had reccomded him strongly so we figured it was worth He was on a smaller stage but he is a proforming artist genius; he does all the right things to keep the audience engaged. I don't even know how to describe it, really. Someone described it as inspirational techno and its pretty accurate. He jumped off the stage and danced in the crowd a fair amount and we all danced under a giant parachute at the end. It was some good wholesome fun. I highly recommend him.

On the ride back on the incredibly crowded metro, a guy led our car in a chours of Biz Markie. I caught it with the power of crappy iphone camera.

Hearts,
Julianne

BEDA 1: August 1st

Today we with got off a 15 hour bus ride at 6am in Montreal, got breakfast, navigated the metro, got directions from a cute barista who was giving samples of drinks to people outside his shop, explored downtown Montreal, shoped at some cute boutique stores, got frozen yogurt from a guy who did not give a shit about his job to the point that he was napping when we came in so he hit us with a towel 10 seconds after we came in, checking in, took a shower, took a nap, explored some more, went to the fine arts museum, met the group girls our age from PEI that we befriended on the bus for Mexican food and sangria, found out that they are actually super cool and have a lot in common with us, asked the cool waiter directions to the liquor store, got a lot of cheap wine and coolers which we carried without bags because the store didn't have any which is apparently acceptable in Montreal, went back to the dorm with group of newly acquired friends, made friends with other Osheaga people drinking in the dorm one of whom looks like young Ryan Gosling and knowing this quoted many lines of The Notebook with the help of his highly intoxicated buddies, had brief 20 minute party in our room until someone spilled a beer and people scattered, went on a quest with people to find cigarettes, drank more on a relatively empty stomach, and am continuing to do so while sitting in a window sill and typing out this post.

So basically I've shamelessly done almost everything one can do in Montreal at the age of 18 in less than 18 hours. And most of the things Maegan's mom told her not to do, except for drugs.
Hearts,
Julianne
(Due to circumstances, these are going to be shuffled around but you can follow the numbers in the titles.)

BEDA 5: Osheaga recovery 2013

My weekend was a John Green book and Montreal was the manic pixie dream girl that screwed me over.

Montreal is like the Las Vegas of Canada but where people can legally do everything at the age of 18. Some things are going to stay there. 

I'm hungover on freedom. Freedom is overrated; I'm considering becoming a fascist.

All my clothes are coated in a layer of grime and smell like sweat and strangers' beer, weed and cigarette smoke. I unpacked everything into a laundry basket.

My supper was a bowl of broccoli because I have a possibly rational fear of getting scurvy.  

I hope I've recovered by the time Osheaga 2014 rolls around.

(I promise I wrote other posts about the weekend, they just wouldn't publish from my phone. They will come gradually. This is one of those stories that starts at the end and then goes back.)
Hearts,
Julianne

Advice given to me about Montreal, BEDA and The 'Bux

• Stick together
• Pack light. No, even lighter.
• Don't drink too much 
• Bring lots of snacks
• For the love of God don't drink too much (don't worry parents, I have an abnormal amount of common sense)
• Don't get rides from strangers
• Don't get run down by an angry French driver
• Bring shirts that you don't care about too much. (Didn't hear all of this story but I think it involves Reeves and a Black Lips concert)
• If you don't see Death Grips you're wasting your money. (I'm not going to but I have multiple friends who feel strongly about Death Grips, mostly caucasian kids who grew up in the suburbs)

I'm considering doing BEDA because I'm so good with this regular posting thing, as you guys know. It'll be my lame attempt at having something to cling to as I gradually disassemble my life and move it to a dorm room four hours from here. But in all reality, BEDA will probably be me filling posts with almost amusing anecdotes of silly things that happen to me at The 'Bux.

Speaking of almost amusing anecdotes:
This ridiculous, poorly thought out situation a few years ago led to the 'Bux I work at being literally 270 meters from a larger one slightly down the hill. Today, this man walked up to the counter and before ordering his coffee he said "You guys know there's a Starbucks right down the hill, right?" His tone of voice seemed to suggest that our existence was offending him, the same way people get offended if the same item is marginally less expensive in another store, a sort of 'why do you even try?' way. I was unsure how to politely, Starbucks appropriately answer a question so moronic. Somehow this meant that my default reaction was to stare him straight in the eye and with a face of stone stated "We're aware." It's a feat of self control that I didn't say anything more offensively sarcastic. I half considered rushing my co-workers to the window, intently starring out for a moment and yelling "Oh shit! He's right!" and everyone could pretend to have a moment of awe. I could have said "Really, right there? I should check it out sometime." "We were living in ignorance until you came along, thank you good sir. We have now seen the light." The light of the siren signage attached to the building clearly visible from the main road we are also along. Or "You caught us, we're just using Starbucks as a front. Would you like to buy some meth?"

I got written up for being an asshole once so I'm glad I've learned some self control since then. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hearts,
Julianne

Things That Currently Terrify Me: July 2013 edition

1. Near the end of the summer I'm seeing one of my friends I made in Kenya. There's several reason this terrifies me: (1) I haven't seen her in three years, (2) she's had all her schooling at a Christian boarding school in Kenya while I've gone to public school in Canada, and (3) we stopped keeping in contact when our main mutual childhood friend died suddenly in a car accident two and a half years ago and we never acknowledged it to each other. But alas, she's coming to my province in August to see her grandmother so I can't escape seeing her, though the visit has potential to be world's of awkward and uncomfortable. Or we might find out we can still be friends.
2. The prospect that a month and a half from now, I'll be leaving my family, my city and all but a few of my friends to move to a city four hours away that I've collectively spent less than one week of my life in previously, to attend a university that I spent a morning at once. I'm throwing familiarity out the window. And how am I going to function without a cat, really.
3. Drifting away/weird dynamic changes with my friends that aren't going with me. I've demonstrated how shitty I am at keeping up with people when Tatyana moved away in April and I've talked to her twice since. Then of course, she's also hard to keep up with because she responds to most messages with emoticons. With other people, I feel like social media will keep us up to date to an extent. Sometimes we're a gossipy bunch so that will probably keep me in the loop to a degree.
4. Sharing a room with a stranger. Actually, being surrounded by strangers. I know a handful of people in Halifax, most of them who are from here but are going to various universities there. After spending most of my life in a relatively small city, I'm familiar with a ridiculous number of people. I can't walk down the street without recognizing a few people. I unintentionally run into groups of my friends all the time. To contrast that, I know one person going to King's and am vaguely aware of one person (that's kind of an amusing story...). I'll be surrounded by and living with so many new people and that's really overwhelming. I hope I can hold myself together and social anxiety doesn't hit me like a train.
5. Being broke. I have it better than a lot of people, as my parents are helping me pay for it, but university is still super expensive (yeah, $17 000 a year. Woohoo.) I'm not going to have much money for a very long time which is a bit jarring after nearly a year of having a job and not many necessities to spend it on. Next year I'm (probably) not going to have a job and a whole lot to spend money on. However, it will be nice to not have to say "I'm working" when invited to 50% of things ever. And The 'Bux will take me back without too much hassle which is a bit cringe worthy but better than nothing. I sat up in the middle of the night a few weeks ago and thought with overpowering clarity, "This is definitely not my last barista job" and fell back asleep. The coffee wench life is surprising inescapable, shown by the large percentage of staff who have been there a super long time or have hopped around different coffee shops. I still feel a bit accomplished that I'm beginning liberal arts as an ex-barista, which makes me a step ahead of most of my future classmates. 

Hearts,
Julianne

Summertime

Lots of coffee and tea, evening swims, purchasing books from my 47 book reading list next year, bonfires, getting devoured by bugs, Yeezus, getting home late, laying on grass, breakfasts with people I love, The Great Gatsby soundtrack, picking up shifts, public green spaces, Game of Thrones, staying up late on Tumblr, Snapchat nonsense, really obnoxious sunglasses ("To repel UV rays and people"), nauseating amounts of hot dogs, humidity and summer hair, seeking out air conditioned spaces, the boardwalk, lethargy, waffles, iced tea

Music, Montreal and Madness.

I finally got my Osheaga pass and come July 31st, I will be on a 15 hour overnight bus ride to Montreal with two of my friends, Maegan and Hannah. We spent a good portion of last semester in Journalism class pondering the idea of going to Osheaga and we're actually going through with it. This is my first actual trip without my family and I'm excited. Especially excited because I get to use my paid vacation and come back to a paycheck. I should enjoy the benefits of being employed before my money gets eaten by university. It's like the universe wants me to go on this trip.

Not only do I love big cities in the summer, but I've spent the last few days looking at the Osheaga lineup and squeeing. I'm so ready for the summer adventures of traversing Montreal and a rather large music festival with my two of my really awesome friends. I get to experience my first music festival. Some of the highlights I'm looking forward to are Vampire Weekend (I'll probably witness the biggest collection of hipsters of all time), Mumford and Sons, Daughter, and Ben Howard. There's also a stint of Icona Pop, The Lumineers and Kendrick Lemar that I hope to accomplish on the last day, despite the running that I'll have to do to different stages and slight overlaps in time slots. I guess they figured that those concerts attract entirely seperate demographics. There's a few concerts we might go to just for kicks, just to say that we did (i.e. Macklemore).

My parents approve wholeheartedly and gave me the advice to not get pregnant and also not to drink too much hard alcohol. I think this means that they trust me.
Hearts,
Julianne

Canada Day: a journey in funk and free things.

 I started my day pretty early by going uptown to take advantage of free admission and events going on. I ate free food in a historic landmark, wandered through the museum, saw all my favorite local politicians in the same place, explored a farmer's market to find a Bingo game going on across the square, and listened to celebratory fiddles. By early afternoon, the group of us had exhausted everything to do.

However, Maegan and I went back uptown in the evening for fireworks, which turned out to be the most downlifting display of bursts of light in thick fog I've ever seen. Our spirits were brought back up when the boardwalk stage was taken by a local funk band, a hilariously diverse collection of individuals including my music teacher's husband, Maegan's hairdresser, and the vice principal of a local high school. We had wandered through the crowd with the purpose of finding people to hang out with and we found a group of friends within three minutes, tops. Now let me tell you, if you ever want to have a really fun time, find a local funk band, a crowd of fun friends and strangers of all ages and various states of inebriation and dance to that funky music. Funk made everyone so happy.

It was a very Canadian day. Mediocre fireworks, fiddles, and the ever present odour of beer and cigarette smoke wafting through uptown really made it feel both celebratory and Canadian.

Hearts,
Julianne

Post grad lyfe.

I figured that after over three hours of sitting on a warm, sticky stage on Sunday, after I was handed a piece of paper that signifies I've passed through a system that takes serious effort to fail, summer would be worth it.

But I don't understand this summer thing. I mean, after eight months of always being crunched for time, I suddenly get weeks where I have nothing planned other than like three shifts and a barbeque?

Between all this free time that I can't possibly fill in addition to being home alone for the weekend, I'm starting to shift to a post grad mindset. Today, I called my university to see just how much I've screwed myself over by pretending that if I ignore things they'll go away: so far, I'm in temporary residence overflow and I can't figure out how to register for courses that I was suppose to for June 8. Well, shit then. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter much. I still have a bed to sleep in and my courses have slots for me anyway, though my tutorial will be later than I would have wanted it to be. I tempt fate way too much with trying to ignore things out of existence. If I was a Shakespearean character, it would probably be my fatal flaw. For now it can just be my signature move.

I also discovered my class's facebook group. This link brought me joy and made me feel like I might be able to relate to people's sense of humour. In another post, students were discussing how much the editions of the books on the reading list matter and this one guy commented under the post "The Lombardo translation of The Odyssey is weak shit, get the Fagles translation." That definitely rubbed in just how 'liberal arts' King's is, even before people actually get there. I may have quoted the guy to multiple of my friends to prove that I will being going to school with a lot of potential pretentious asshats. 

Unfortunately, I also have some pretentious asshat qualities about me but I figure that a liberal arts school might be a collection of people with an overbearing number of pretentious asshat qualities. For example, I hear that spontaneous poetry readings are a common occurrence in residence which could be either annoying or really cool.

Other than university stuff, post grad life has included a lot of Tumblr, Mad Men and Gilmore Girls. Occasionally I sling coffee for minimum wage or hang out with people who tolerate me and don't have conflicting work schedules with me. Exciting, I know. 

What's up with you folks?
Hearts,
Julianne

The Events of Prom: The Collected Works.

I was getting sick of pretty posed pictures so this happened.

• I acquired more selfies for my graduation frame that was given to me with the best intentions by my aunt and uncle, but who don't know me well enough to realize how unsentimental I am and how ill suiting a big picture frame with the numbers '2013' is for me.
• Rachel crashed prom for longer than most people stayed and no one cared. She had a better time than most people there, I think. She's the person I bring with me to random events because she gets along with almost everyone pretty effortlessly.
• A group of 15 people cha cha slid out the doors because they played it at exactly 9, when most people left.
• One of my friend's dates was a cute German boy in a top hat who was a blind date set up by her grandmother. 
• During this song, we stormed back into the dance, formed two lines and people danced through the middle. It felt like something that would be at the end of Footloose. It was followed by the Harlem Shake and it was a happy sequence of songs.
• I danced around outside the dance and yelled super obnoxiously to a Hedley song (hating Hedley is pretty much a patriotic duty) while waving around a fancy water glass and made Ms. Lutz, the scary as hell IB coordinator, laugh. I MADE MS LUTZ LAUGH.
• Maegan and I went to Starbucks to see Missy and Mike right after they locked the doors. I agreed to give 33 year old charming barista Mike a grad photo, and not one of the wimpy wallet sized ones. I'm sad that 33 year old charming barista Mike is getting a real adult job. Maegan and I are proud of him because he's growing up, even if we'll miss him.
• Noah casually changed his pants in the car on the ride with me, Maegan and Nick to the after party at Peter's.
• The 'after party' actually was going to a playground and then watched Atlantis after prom and am totally ok with how tame it was.
•  Accidentally fell asleep during Atlantis curled up with Alan. Definitely didn't help the situation that he may have or may not have been hitting on me lately. I actually can't tell.
• Noah left one dress shoe in my car. One. 
• Driving home at 3am and following a cop car for like 10 minutes while breaking curfew by three hours.

I set my expectations pretty low so prom was a pretty good time, as soon as the cameras were put away after like three hours of non stop pictures. I was surprised.
Hearts,
Julianne

Reasons I want prom to be over:

• People can stop using my school's prom dress facebook group and all the accompanying dress drama and selfies of like 100 girls will stop, hopefully.
• Prom can be a thing of the past instead of an ever present event looming in the future which people are making way too big a deal of.
• I can push aside my vanity for the summer
• I won't have a reason to wear heels anymore.
• I'll probably have more nice pictures of me and my friends
• I can bother hungover people this time tomorrow morning

I did the high school.

Just kidding, actual school and marks things are done but I still have grad church service (which has presented a giant shit show as far as preparation for the grads in choir is concerned), prom and graduation which I just want to get over with so I can have that diploma and finally be done the extremely gradual process that finishing high school has been for me. I don't get that diploma until the 23rd but I'm academically done and that's good enough for now.

I also still feel like strangling a good portion of my grad class. Everyone is annoying everyone and we still have like four events to get through with each other. I went to a bonfire last night and determined that there are a group of people who are being arrogant assholes and a group of people being assholes to those people as a reaction. There is not a single group of over five or six people in my grad class that I can stand anymore because most people are sick of each other after four years.This summer is going to see me hanging out with a lot of my undergrad or already graduated friends because they aren't exhausted of each other the same way grad class is. We're currently like a family that all hate each other but is making no attempts to resolve any conflict. 

Speaking of shit shows that are going on with my school, we found out a few days ago that the district isn't renewing the principal's contract and there's an uproar. There's a collection of students who are going a bit over the top with reacting. Protests are planned, petitions are in circulation, an abundance of letters are being written to district office and we've got news coverage on every news outlet around. David has thrown his heart and soul into this, even though he's out of here in a week and a half. I have a theory that few of these people actually care about keeping the principal but rather they're bored and feel like causing a scene to pass some time. I'm sure the district has legitimate reasons for asking the principal to step down and it's not my battle to fight. Especially because no one knows the full story behind anything and people are pretty blindly taking stances. Then again, maybe I've just found a good attitude of passivity and this actually is a big deal. Doubt it, though.
Hearts,
Julianne

Goals for the next 3 weeks:

• Avoid strangling any members of my grad class
• Have a reasonable time at prom
• Graduate 
• Decide whether to cut my hair shorter (four or five inches off) after graduation or let it be
• Sew some of the things I've been meaning to for months
• Go to the beach
• Figure out some sort of cool hobby to kill time with 
• Have a cuddle puddle
• Back up my computer
• Make more concrete plans for my August soul searching journey
• Avoid spending much of my paychecks in preparation for above journey
• Finish a book or two
• Go to a bonfire
• Make an actual summer bucket list

Hearts,
Julianne

Things and Stuff.

• The last few days have included endless yearbook signing and everyone is leaking sentiment. I'm really bad at sentiment but I'm getting better at writing it down. There seem to be two types of situations: the people I have little idea what to write for, and the people for whom I can't even begin to capture my feelings on a scrap of the inside of a yearbook cover.  
• Some people wrote large, illegible write ups that appear to be meaningful words but their hand writing is atrocious and I can only make out every third word or so.
• I hang out at Maegan's Starbucks because amusing banter like this occurs: Shawn: "Hey, is there a single batch of blonde brewing?" Charming 33 year old barista Mike: *points at me sitting in the cafe* "Well, there's a single batch of blonde brewing over here!" Me: "Damn right!".
• At my store, no one ever tells me anything and for the 'big event' of "Partner Appreciation Day" I literally was given six smarties and that was all. 
• I went to Missy's for lunch at her new apartment uptown and she's living the life of a recent university drop out life, complete with day drinking and getting a quotation from French Absurdist literature tattooed on her arm. She threw (her roommate's) wine in most of our food because she said wine is how she fixes problems. Our pasta and steak was pretty good.
• Her roommate has three cats; one is a kitten they named Bitch Cat (they didn't want to get attached), later Regina George, later Reggie, and now Party Cat. Party Cat is my favourite embodiment of chaos and stupidity.
• After we did a legitimate coffee shop crawl. We did a loop of Starbucks/Java Moose/Second Cup. The best part is that we didn't pay for anything because between Missy, Maegan and me, we probably know every barista in the city.
• I want to kick off summer in a fun way but I'm not sure how yet.

Hearts,
Julianne

"Actual ball of anxiety" Julianne

It's been a rough few days.

It's the last week of classes before exams but its not exams that are getting to people; on the contrary, it's almost everything but that. People all around me are losing their shit over anything and everything. I think what makes it especially prevalent is that we're reaching a point where awards are given out and everyone is really self aware of their position in the school's eyes. On a day to day basis, I interact largely with a group of people who have made the most of high school but are just under the line of actually getting recognition from the school for their achievements. There is so much animosity towards the few people who are getting crazy amounts of recognition for their contributions to the school and I and many others are pissed that we are being lumped together with the people who've done next to nothing because we feel we've done a lot. All those awards are awful because they make the people with egos feel better about themselves and launches those under the mark of excellence into a fit of self deprecation or public mocking of others. I've been between these two distinct groups as they've divided and I find myself really anxious because of all the passive aggression surrounding me. Everyone's anger towards each other that has built up over time is coming out and I'm not sure if it's temporary or not. However, the one agreement that can be found is that we are all so done with excitement around graduation. We don't want to endure the next two or three weeks of filling the time with various grad events, prom, and graduation. This week, senioritis hit us with a new vengence.

Another thing that's been stressing me out is university. This thing happens when I have to do anything to prepare for university, I alternate between freaking out a little bit or turning into an actual incapacitated ball of anxiety. The immensity of the changes I'll experience in the next few months slapped me in the face yesterday right before work and I spent the first fifteen minutes of my shift crying in the bathroom. I'm so bad at changes and I know that it's going to be a lot of stress in moving away and settling down in a new place. I suppose having Hannah as my roommate is good and that's a load off my mind. I'm going into this knowing that I'll probably freak out a lot in those first few weeks or months away. I'll be surrounded by people I don't know in a city I've collectively only ever spent four or five days of my life in. I'm being taken away from all but a two or three of my close friends. I'm legitimately terrified of change, even drastically inevitable change.

At least I know my job is only lasting until the end of July. That's so freeing, especially considering how my store is going to hell more than usual. Yesterday after my crying in the bathroom episode, I witnessed my shift Martha lose it about my store on the phone to someone at the uptown store. She had worked all afternoon with just my manager and, in the ridiculously intense manner of my store, was told she was doing everything wrong. Along with pointing out all her minuscule faults, my manager also took it upon herself to label every silly object behind the counter and tape up pieces of paper telling us how to act around customers. I shit you not, there is list of conversation starters taped to our espresso machine. Martha is definitely not the ideal super cheerful chatty accommodating type that my manger wants everyone to be and Martha sort of just paced around all shift after the manger left with the occasional short outbursts like "There's a bigger picture!" and "It's just coffee!". It was a bonding experience having the both of us so pissed at everything while trying to simultaneously run a coffee shop.

So that's pretty much been my life lately.
Hearts,
Julianne

Almost Graduationy Stuff.

There are so many rituals and traditions that go along with graduating from high school, especially from a high school that thinks a lot of itself. If my high school was a person, it might be Robert Downy Jr.

All these pre-graduationy things are taking up my time, but at least we can look cute while doing it sometimes. Like for the white dress photo, when the girls put on white dresses, the guys put on suits, and we take a group picture on the steps. Apparently us grads clean up pretty nicely to be a super suave crew.

Because we're pretty cute.

Allan tried to make posing with him while he was smoking a thing.
I have over 10 pictures of him smoking with different people.

Moriah and Victor have super human amounts of sass.

Obligatory picture of Alan Jones and Allan Jones.

(1) This looks surprisingly like a stock photo and (2) the background expressions.

Appreciate the chicken fight I completely unknowingly captured in the background.

The next few weeks are going to be busy with grad events, work and socializing myself. I've spent so many free periods in the past week playing Dutch Blitz while yelling obscene things at people. I'm not proud of who I am when I play Dutch Blitz but I need to stress myself out somehow. However, Allan, Moriah and I introduced it and the way it's catching on, it's practically an epidemic.

I also went to my friend's homeschool graduation today and felt a little guilty, purely because I'm not and never have been homeschooled. Whatevs lulz public school.

Hearts,

Julianne

A+ Prom Prep.

• A highly improbable series of events occurred last night. Earl "Tidbitz" the Gray, the stray cat my family has been feeding, snuck into the house through the cat door while we were sleeping and, upon seeing the assortment of clothes drying on the basement clothes line, urinated on both my graduation dress (which I need for Wednesday) and my prom dress. Somdays my life is a joke with really strange hoops to jump through sometimes, I washing cat pee out of formal wear. From this point on, when people ask me whether I'm a cat person, I can respond "I used to be, before 'The Incident.'" Cats and I are not on good terms right now. 
• I spent far more time than I cared to today convincing my parents that no, my prom date isn't gay and it wouldn't matter either way.
• So all in all, I'm not putting much effort towards prom prep but any that I might use to kill time with between now and then have potential to be any level of weird. 

Hearts,
Julianne

An overbearing hipster stereotype kind of day.

I have on and off days when it comes to being an inherently, overbearingly hipster stereotype.

Today was definitely an on day. It hit me as I was explaining to an Indigo employee, as I drank soy chai while listening to Kid A, that I'm recreationally reading the three classic novels I was holding (The Great Gatsby, The Picture of Dorian Gray and On the Road) because exams are over and I have time to. Then I told him that I'm going to King's next year and he said "OHHH" like it explained everything he was witnessing about me, the barista listening to Radiohead, drinking soy chai and discussing pretentious literature.

And in that moment, I swear I was the epitome of a subcultural stereotype.

I didn't chose this, it chose me.This isn't even the worst of it.
Hearts,
Julianne

Funny things happen to me sometimes.

I have another post I'm planning about last weekend because I have more to say than this, but I have a bit of an amusing story to share.

When I was at camp last weekend on Sunday night, there was a big shindig and afterward everyone in the camp had gone to bed except for a group of us who were still too wound up. So we hung out and talked for a while until we collapsed into a cuddle puddle on the floor of the slightly sketchy dining-hall-turned-recreation-room. Around 1am, this guy named Ethan casually got off the floor, left, and came back with a guitar. Upon his entrance with his guitar, he paused . . . and pulled some roses from behind his back. He proceeded to give one to each of the girls there, telling us that we were all beautiful. Then he then put one of the roses in his mouth and broke into playing stereotypical Spanish music on his guitar with an intense, stone faced smoulder. Rachel, Hannah and I laughed on the floor, Hannah occasionally commented "He's male me. He's male me!" and Jazmin was hysterically shouting "THIS ISN'T REAL LIFE." He was not shaken by the hysterics that were occurring; he continued his little serenading performance to the four of us women without once losing focus. It didn't feel like real life, especially considering that it was during during a 1am cuddle puddle on a floor at bible camp.

So I guess that's the story of how a 15 year old boy I'd just met gave me a rose in the middle of the night at bible camp, and the reason that said rose has faint teeth marks on it. Funny things happen to me sometimes.
Hearts,
Julianne

Nerdy break up feelings.

I'm going through a strange break up phase with IB, minus sadness, but rather the aimlessness. I suddenly have all this free time and I'm reacting in a few stereotypical break up ways:

• Eating a lot.
• Spontaneously picking up hobbies to fill the weird void (such as spending a free period making popsicle stick photo frames.)
• Considering other hobbies to pick up.
• Introducing voluntary dietary restrictions (I'm not drinking milk this week to see if I feel better.)
• Thinking of adventures to have. 
• Laughing unnecessarily hard at things that barely make sense.

The fact that ending IB feels like a break up gives you a general idea of (1) how much of a dork I am and (2) how perpetually single I have always been.*

What do people even do with free time? I don't really understand this concept as I haven't had free time since around August. I suppose I can plan my epic journey that I want to happen and read more classic literature so I can go into pretentious arts university with as much literature as possible under my belt to reference and sound smart and feel enlightened.

*I have been dubbed both a 'bro' and 'the most platonic person of all time.' I have a unique quality of being an extreme platonic bro about me, I guess. I don't know how this came about.
Hearts,
Julianne

How to Thursday:

• Go to school
• Write three essays in two hours about historical topics you may or may not know
• Dance in the hallway chanting "Done IB forever!"
• Eat celebratory crepes
• Get books from the library because IB exams are over and you have time to read again
• Attend afternoon classes for the second time in two weeks
• Go to a school coffee house
• See the 10pm showing of The Great Gatsby because screw it, IB exams are over and I deserve this. 

Hearts,
Julianne

I should actually go on a journey.

So, I figure to start this, I'll need some context;

When I was 10, I moved to Kenya. My parents decided a few years previously that they would follow in my grandparents' footsteps and become missionaries at this American Christian boarding school on the edge of the Rift Valley about an hour outside of Nairobi. I spent 5th and 6th grade there before moving back to Canada, in the same city in the same house I'd lived in before.

I really miss it today. I'm not totally sure why, I mean I've spent all of one month there in the past six years. I guess you can get homesick for a place where you've never really belonged. I've come to the conclusion that mostly what I miss is the atmosphere of there, especially when faced with the stark contrasts of my life here.

Here, everyone is always rushing. They can barely focus on one thing because soon they'll be running to the next. Most people go about their day as if everything is a tedious obligation. Everyone can't look beyond themselves to see that there's bigger concerns. When people stop rushing, they don't know what to do with themselves; they immediately turn to boredom.

In Kenya, I found everything to fall in a comfortable routine; people did one thing at a time, at a pace that seemed comfortable, and without pressure. Everything could always pause for a cup of tea in the middle of the morning and again in the afternoon. People relaxed and let things be uncomplicated. There was always time to go to read a book or go to bed early. Everything felt a hell of a lot less complicated. Occasionally I find person that has a similar gist to their life here but they are few and far between.

I think that largely I found this because I'm romanticizing my memories a bit, or I was mislead by age, but even when I was twelve, I noticed how discontent people seem with their lives all the time here. People wouldn't let little things go and prepubescent Julianne asked why it mattered to people that their hair be perfectly in place when they go out or that their parents pick them up at exactly 3pm, as opposed to 3:03 or 3:05. Why do people get so hung up on things that don't matter?

Mind you, I'm a huge hypocrite in pointing these things out. I'm one of these people who is always rushing. I get bored after two hours of nothing to do. I bicker about how little money I have. I stress about stupid things.

Basically, my job is stressing me out, school is stressing me out, and I want it all to stop so I can find some nirvana and reach some sort enlightenment where I can feel mostly content about things again.

I think I need to go on an adventure somewhere this summer. Maybe I should quit my job in late July/ early August so I can go on an epic journey. Any (relatively thrifty) ideas of where I should go?
Hearts,
Julianne

Fool proof, almost summer plans:

• Get a custom painted van and solve mysteries.
• Become a chain smoking alcoholic barista for the irony/ as my final act to deal with serving coffee before I quit to go to university.
• Try to get a summer job at the library so I can work real people hours, get full time cash money swag, and not have the worst shifts bequeathed upon me because I'm the lowest seniority. Also, working with people who aren't unreasonably intense about their job at Starbucks to overcompensate for the lack of achievement in other areas of their life.
• Become that person who is always casually wandering around. 
• Party Thursdays/ recovery Fridays.
• Read books not for school.
• Go on road trips with cool people to beaches and stuff.

 I actually just don't know what I'm going to do after IB exams. I've dedicated so much time and effort to IB since tenth grade and I don't know how I'm going to fill the void that it'll leave. To me, ending IB is like ending a long term relationship (with less emotions) because this is the sad state my life has been reduced to.

Hopefully I'll fill the void with something less masochistic. Like friends. Or running a meth lab out of my garage.

First exam tomorrow: English Paper 1. It's the beginning of the end, the hinge of fate. Just kidding, it's still a mystery as to what these exams actually count toward.
Hearts,
Julianne

Reporting from a pre-exam stress coma:

• I haven't gone to my afternoon classes for two days. One was for choir in music festival, one just because I couldn't emotionally deal with more classes. I drank tea instead with a group of an assortment of people I accidentally collected. 
• I finally got an article in the school paper only to find out that people actually read it and the fame is going to my head.
• A country music video was filmed largely at and around my school. It feels weird, especially because my city is quite east of Ontario so nobody really cares about us in Canada, not to mention the rest of the world. Local country fans are losing their shit and everyone else thinks it's kind of cool that something moderately interesting happened here. I have swam in that pool and may or may not have been on that rooftop, bros.
• And that's pretty much all for now because I'm practically in a pre-exam stress coma.

Hearts,
Julianne

Whispers of summer

Tonight felt like summer. Not pure summer, but a whisper of it. Moriah and I drove to Rachel's with the windows down and listening to King Charles, a personal summer favourite of ours. We had a bonfire with a bunch of youth people and some of Rachel's friends that I don't know. It's refreshing to be outside, and having casual banter with a different group of people than usual. Everything lately has felt overwhelmingly stale but this was comfortably different.

The last few weeks I've been in a sort of slump. Not depression, but rather a gradual bout of boredom with my life and feeling little motivation to accomplish anything. But I think I'm getting out of it. I have exactly eleven days left until I'm done with IB and I'm preparing for a youth weekend coming up in late May.

Then comes actual summer, which I have a new enthusiasm for after tonight. My sweater smells like bonfire in a good way, reminding me of why I love it.
Hearts,
Julianne

Bullying the mayor (again) and waffles.

• People have started romanticizing the 90's. I've decided that I don't believe in the 90's; they're a conspiracy. 
• In Rainbows is actually just a really good album. Something in my brain clicked and I like Radiohead now, which was unexpected.
• What do people use Saturdays for, anyway? I have my first one off in months tomorrow. Actually, IB exam studying will happen.
• I often instinctively stop at Starbucks, not even the one I work at, because I know there are usually cool people working there who can bequeath caffeinated beverages upon me. I usually yell "I love you" at everyone as I leave. I need to be drinking age so I can become a regular at a bar, where I can live out a sitcom existence instead of just bothering local baristas.
• I've decided to intentionally embrace the radio. There are stations that actually play reasonable music without ads (thank you, CBC). There's something refreshing about listening to the radio because it's a dying form of desirable background noise. Especially because evenings are jazz followed by chill music. CBC gets me.
• Pro-tip: take selfies, it makes you feel better.
• My entire English class is going out to breakfast on Monday and the thought of waffles has actually motivated me through this week.
• Working on a school paper in Journalism has lead to a small series of events to test how far we can push things and still get them published. So far a word search with 'booty' secretly hidden in it has been created. Also, with the blessing of our teacher who wanted a page to have a more local feel, we put a picture of our city's mayor with heart over his face on the back page. 
• Our mayor is a running joke and I'm not sure how it started. Someone in my Law class also tried to call him during a review game last week because we had a phone a friend option to answer a question. 
• Several months ago, Will also tweeted at him asking him if he was considering running for pope. A teacher told Will to "stop cyber bullying the mayor."
• Apparently people at work have been previously written up for doing latte art. My job is increasingly less fun as time goes on. However, the ban on latte art didn't stop one of my supervisors from giving me a brief lesson in latte art. We're such rebels.

Hearts,
Julianne

Make it stop.

I'm a person who finds comfort in routine and structure. I like when something happens at the same time every day or every week and I can find a rhythm. I find comfort in Java Tuesdays with Missy and Tea Wednesdays with Shawn.

However, finding routine is hard when there's so much happening around me. Especially when everything I do seems to come in intense bursts. I completed most of my yearbook section working day and night for two weeks. I write most big papers over the two or three days before they're due. Choir is occupying my lunch and after school time for this week in intense preparation for music festival. I'm suppose to be crunching and preparing for IB exams like crazy. Most of these things occupy a lot of time, then just suddenly cease to matter because they're done and over with. I can't find routine in bursts of crazy.

Sporadic shift work doesn't help, especially through this period when all the Starbucks in the city are simultaneously understaffed and determined to hire minimal new people. I try to schedule time to do school stuff but then I end up with shifts and being tired and things just don't get done. Six hours of school, followed by five hours of work, followed by the feeling that there's homework to be done but being too tired to actually do it is an exhausting sort of day, especially after a few consecutive ones.

I've gotten to the point where anything on top of the normal school and work responsibilities makes me want to tell people they're asking to much of me and proceeding to keel over. Balancing school, extracurriculars, a part time job and a social life is wearing me down.

Make it stop. Waiting it out is getting old.

In good news of things actually looking up, my IB exams are over as of May 9th, giving me two free periods and a thoroughly less demanding year end, plus significantly fewer reasons to try caring about anything at all. I have a maximum of two exams in June, for Law and possibly Journalism.

But for now I'll just listen to Sigur Rós and try to stop feeling bad about everything for a little while, blatantly ignoring my exam review because I'm tired and every little thing frustrates me. I want to read, drink tea, and not move for at least three days.
Hearts,
-J-

To YOLO or not to YOLO:

The question facing the hearts and minds of many an IB 12 student in the next few weeks of the long awaited exams. (because I am now Sufjan Stevens and will name my blogposts much as he names his songs.)

I've compiled some fancy multimedia stuff to express how I currently feel:

 

 

I'm so done with senior year. So. Done. SO DONE.

There's a week and a half until my IB English exams and I've come to terms that I'll never be more prepared than I am at this moment. I'll YOLO this thing for all it's worth, which is very little in the grand scheme of things.

IB History, however, is the sort of thing where I need to throw together some sort of outlines of knowledge. Probably almost entirely focusing on Nazi Germany because I think I can cover nearly everything I need to with that. 

Doesn't help that music festival is in a week and there's five choir practices between now and then.

I don't like knowing that I'll be facing a lot of stress and internal chaos until May 10th. I have a feeling that after that, real life is suddenly going to slap me in the face with I'll have a gazillion other realities. 

Note: so much wasted time compiling my above multimedia collection. But know what?

Hearts,
Julianne