Make it stop.

I'm a person who finds comfort in routine and structure. I like when something happens at the same time every day or every week and I can find a rhythm. I find comfort in Java Tuesdays with Missy and Tea Wednesdays with Shawn.

However, finding routine is hard when there's so much happening around me. Especially when everything I do seems to come in intense bursts. I completed most of my yearbook section working day and night for two weeks. I write most big papers over the two or three days before they're due. Choir is occupying my lunch and after school time for this week in intense preparation for music festival. I'm suppose to be crunching and preparing for IB exams like crazy. Most of these things occupy a lot of time, then just suddenly cease to matter because they're done and over with. I can't find routine in bursts of crazy.

Sporadic shift work doesn't help, especially through this period when all the Starbucks in the city are simultaneously understaffed and determined to hire minimal new people. I try to schedule time to do school stuff but then I end up with shifts and being tired and things just don't get done. Six hours of school, followed by five hours of work, followed by the feeling that there's homework to be done but being too tired to actually do it is an exhausting sort of day, especially after a few consecutive ones.

I've gotten to the point where anything on top of the normal school and work responsibilities makes me want to tell people they're asking to much of me and proceeding to keel over. Balancing school, extracurriculars, a part time job and a social life is wearing me down.

Make it stop. Waiting it out is getting old.

In good news of things actually looking up, my IB exams are over as of May 9th, giving me two free periods and a thoroughly less demanding year end, plus significantly fewer reasons to try caring about anything at all. I have a maximum of two exams in June, for Law and possibly Journalism.

But for now I'll just listen to Sigur Rós and try to stop feeling bad about everything for a little while, blatantly ignoring my exam review because I'm tired and every little thing frustrates me. I want to read, drink tea, and not move for at least three days.
Hearts,
-J-