Resigning to a life of painful mediocrity or Narnia.

I am so overwhelmed right now.

I have so much to do that I can't even function.

I know there are people with real problems, but in my selfish world, having several major things to do while my marks are all slipping is limiting my mental capacity to function or see good in anything.

I got a 13/20 on an English presentation today. I read the teacher's notes and don't entirely see what I did so wrong to barely scrape a pass. Every single English presentation I've done this year gets marked significantly lower than the previous one and I can't tell whether it's because I get worse or the teacher gets harsher. In my mind, if I fail at English, I fail myself in general. It's the one thing I can't handle going downhill.

I think that after a long time of being told I'm above average I might resign to a life of being intellectually mediocre. Perhaps a little bit of added bitterness and many cats.

I just need someone to look me in the eyes, tell me that things will be alright, that I am capable of everything I need to do and that life will not always be this overbearing. That someday I will actually stop stressing and have time to enjoy simple things, like reading books for leisure and taking pictures for fun. Or maybe somebody could hand me a portal to Narnia so I can frolic with fawns and unicorns and emerge years later when actually ten minutes has passed. Either is cool, bros.

At least one doesn't need absolutely stellar marks to get into Canadian universities. Especially to get into arts programs. That's one thing I don't have to fret about too much.

If the past has taught me anything, I need to get a big assignment out of the way, sleep the exhaustion off, and continue with everything else. Then things will be good for a while. Maybe I won't become a irredeemable burnout before the end of high school before I head out to get loads of debt before I inevitably drop out of university a pursue an incredibly mentally numbing career in retail or something equally lacking in mental stimulation. If you have that portal, Narnia would be a much more pleasant fate than the latter.

Disclaimer: This message has been brought to you by cracking, pessimistic Julianne who will grow up to love no one but her numerous cats. Optimistic Julianne has temporarily left the building, taking her sanity with her.
Love,
-J-