The Great Perhaps and the associated annoyances.

Some days, it feels like I have my future together, and other days it doesn't. Today is one of the days that it doesn't.

I even went through a bunch of university brochures I picked up earlier this year. I realized several things:

1. I don't know which universities I will apply to. 
2. I don't know which programs I will apply to.
3. The time is running out for me to make decisions. 

 Also, I'm getting ridiculously sentimental about the prospect of leaving here. Well, not so much of leaving here as leaving my friends and everything I see as familiar, to go to a yet undecided destination to study a yet undecided thing.

And just to throw things off even more, lately I've began seriously considering going into film, which has many more options, decisions and pros and cons.

My artsy friends are telling me to pursue it. This morning, Hannah asked me what I wanted to go for school for, I replied,"I have no idea," and Moriah looked me in the eyes and said,"You know what you should do." The skeptical side of my brain sees a flash forward to several of us morphing into the cast of Rent and slowly starving to death. But then another skeptical part of my brain jumps to me sitting in an office, working a 9-5 job and hating my life.

I've hit a point where I don't necessarily want money and success, I want to do something with my life that makes me happy. However, I'm still incredibly indecisive about what exactly that is.

Also, a slight diversion from the original topic, I hate how Rent, a musical about staving artists inspires me to starve in the future. I am the child of an engineer and a nurse: they don't do the whole risk-taking-with-the-possibly-of-starving thing with their careers. (Actually, they were briefly missionaries, so I guess that's where I get the small urge leave my well-being up to chance.)

The next year, hopefully, will determine what path I should take. Hopefully I get accepted into Co-op for next year and do something that helps me figure out my future career. Don't panic, dammit Julianne. Also, a pros and cons list could possibly bring me a considerable amount of ease. I think I have this more figured out than I feel I do.

So, to conclude: the future is doing that thing again where it terrifies me.
Love,
-J-  

Days until Boston choir trip: 11
Irrelevant link of the day: Pictures of various animals eating strawberries