Of Swedish electronica and sweaters.

 The more I drive, the more I have this rapidly increasing love of electronic music. Moriah and I rocked out to the above song all day (disclaimer: a bit of swearing). I want to go to a party just so I can awkward-white-person-dance to this song and then leave. Or, the likelier option, drive around, obnoxiously blasting it to the best of the Jetta radio's ability without damaging my eardrums, wearing a ridiculously teenaged outfit and dance at stop lights while people in other cars judge me. I'm currently alternating between that one song and Sufjan Stevens to contrast enough to make it as danceable as possible every time. It makes me want to consider trashing any life plans and become part of a female electronica duo from Sweden. Anyone want to join? I need to use my endless sass and lack of sentimentality for something. From what I see here, Swedish electronica seems like a good outlet for those two qualities. Also, I could probably wear whatever I want for the rest of my life and everyone would be ok with it. 

This weekend was pretty great. On Saturday, I spent a few hours at the library (which has magical de-stressing properties), ate a skor cupcake, went thrifting and got both a mug with a face and a new sweater.* After baking cookies with opera in the background, I went to watch Doctor Who at Tatyana's which didn't happen because the TV guide was lying to us and said it wasn't on.**

Today I ate breakfast at Moriah's, as is our weekly pre-church tradition, and caught up because despite the fact that I have three classes with her, I rarely get a chance to talk to her. In the afternoon, we curled up and watched "Legally Blonde: The Musical" and I'm sorely disappointed that this was my first encounter with that masterpiece.

This had all the elements to make this the weekend that I needed. Library, friends, laying on Tatyana's floor and consuming lots of food containing loads of cheese.

* I have a continuously growing collection of old man sweaters, which thanks to the Canadian fall being upon me,  I get to start wearing on a steady basis with my equally large collection of scarves. I should start posting pictures because those sweaters are really fantastic, especially as a collection. In related news, I don't even know what has been going on with my clothes lately but I appreciate it. I think it clicked that I'm a senior and somehow my clothing choices are affected by that. I mean, I unashamedly wore bright blue tights last week and didn't feel self conscious in the least.

(Today's fantastic sweater and not fantastic hair.)

** I would be infuriated with the lying TV guide, but I was invited to a Doctor Who party next Saturday. A bunch of people are gathering to eat Doctor Who related food stuffs, drink tea and be emotionally supportive to each other during the big episode. There is no more enjoyable way that I can think of how to spend a Saturday night. Why my friends so cool.
Love,
-J-

Good gravy.

I got asked out yesterday.

By who I will now refer to, for simplicity's sake, as QHD (Quasi-Hipster Dealer). You know, my new friend from a few days ago. Who was drunk during the second day of school. The one I air high fived for being Ravenclaws. Yeah, that one.

The entire situation is layers of hilarity and sad.

Because I responded "no, sorry" in the exact same manner that I had five minutes earlier when he had asked if I had headphones. He really is a good guy and I have a lot in common with him, but he is also really screwed up (and one of my friends has a 'history' with him which in this situation is just vastly uncomfortable). And everything in my being screams that everything about this would be a terrible idea.

That was reinforced by Will being heartbroken that I didn't say yes to QHD, as I quote "WHAT ABOUT THAT SITUATION WOULD NOT BE HILARIOUS/AWESOME/TERRIFIC." With that advice, I think I should retract any legitimacy of future 'sassy-gay-friend-who-isn't-gay' dating/relationship advice. Basically, I realize that 90% of the time if Will thinks something is a good idea, it's a downright terrible idea. The conscience part of his brain is missing so I have to fill in occasionally.

Tatyana used to be friends with QHD and she was practically in hysterics after I told her because everything about that whole thing is just incredibly amusing and improbable.

Oh well, life goes on, but still feel a little bad about turning him down. But the entire thing is still pretty damn funny.
Love,
-J-

I'm pretty much a badass.

My predicted future vehicle.

 I got news of my Co-op placement today. (*note, Co-op is a course in 12th grade where you spend the entire morning or afternoon of a semester in a workplace of somewhat your choosing.)

More or less, it looks like the plan will be that I'm shared between two libraries. From what I understood, the Co-op head person in district office asked the fairly impressive main branch library down the road from school if they could take me and they were like "dfakajfdk, I have so much going on I can't think straight but I can ask the other branches." The pitifully small branch close to my side of town was like "Hey, I can take her but there's no way I have enough around here for another person five days a week. Heck, we're not even open Mondays." Then another person at the main branch got wind of the situation and was like "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? DID YOU JUST SCARE OFF A POTENTIAL LIBRARIAN? YOU IDIOT, WE NEED TO PASS ON OUR LEGACY" and offered to take me on for a few days a week. They compromised and now they both get me. That's the gist of it.

I feel so wanted. This shared deal is nice because I don't want to spend every lunch hour on a city bus going east, or have to go through hell to get back uptown for extracurricular things. I hope I get to spend more time at the uptown library, as more things actually go on there, but I'll just have to see how things work out.

And I'm kind of nerding out over the prospect of spending the afternoon in a library for five days a week for two school credits.

Now I will proceed with my mini essay that I'm writing about Bismarck, while in my pjs, which I put on at 7:30 and then pondering going to Tim Hortons without changing my attire. Then I decided this neighbourhood is far too suburban for that and I know people who work there who would probably judge me.
Love,
-J-

How do I emotions and stuff.

I had a small series of existential crises today.

In short, I hated (nearly) everyone and their opinions, felt like a shitty person (because youth group is a large series of guilt trips that make me feel like a shitty person on a moral level), felt weak because I felt like a shitty person and have little desire to do anything about it, schoolwork is building up, applying for universities begins soon, there are scholarship essays to write, extracurricular stuff to attend and I might have a job soon along with a Co-op placement at a yet undetermined workplace. I probably will be found weeping over my agenda at some point in the near future. I kind of want to maintain a small social life, too, but that comes depressingly low on my priorities.

I'm not adjusting well to things picking up again. I've felt increasingly not cheerful for days and I think I'm inching towards a bout of depression or a small mental breakdown. I know my patterns. Hopefully it's just a false alarm and everything isn't so terrible after a few days.

I just want to punch things. And to sleep. And to lay on Tatyana's floor while watching movies without anything else to do. I miss the cheerful simplicity of summer.

I need a weekend so bad. A real, nearly homework devoid weekend.
Love,
-J-