Restless

Probably the coolest building in Boston. Or ever.

 I feel restless today.

Firstly, it's the uncomfortable empty space between classes ending and exams. I just don't know how to properly make use of this time, as it is more time than I need to study (even though I feel that I should be) but not quite time to celebrate summer.

Next, I don't have a job this summer yet. Hopefully with a little more hunting, I can locate one. I actually don't know what I'll do with my time this summer but I'm considering just signing up to volunteer for ALL THE THINGS (as a lot of my friends do to build up volunteer hours for their IB diploma). I'm having difficulty with facing two months, essentially unplanned, and I'm now considering activities that will be useful and methods to avoid becoming a hermit.

Lastly, I realized about a month ago that I was mentally preparing myself to graduate, only to come to the sudden realization that I still have an entire year left. I'm in a time where I know graduation is relatively close but it's not materializing yet. I still have so many milestones associated with senior year to still pass. I have yet to experience grad class events, the chaotic search for a prom dress, applying to universities and making massive decisions for my future.

What is this feeling of idleness? I feel like I am strangely without purpose, more than usual. It's a sort of an anxious calm before the storm.
 Love,
-J-

Sufjan Stevens - Chicago

So excited, I just can't hide it.

One class day left and affirmation that next year is going to kick ass.

I'll be in 12th grade, something that I've felt is so far away. I'm part of choir, I'm a photographer and section editor for yearbook, I want to join the madrigal/jazz choir*, be part of the (hopefully existent) musical, and I think that I'm part of the drama&arts/special events/social committee**. I think that means I'm on the SRC (student council)?

I also have the advantage of an awesome grad class with a lovely executive committee, and a facebook group formerly named 'The Hot Damn Grad Class 2013 Facebook Group' but is now 'The Hot Darn Grad Class 2013 Facebook Group.' We will do fun things.

The sad part is that my 12th grade friends will be all graduated and moved away, for the most part. I will miss them. I'm worried that things, especially choir and musical, will feel like an empty shell of what it was this year.

*because my school is that badass, and no, we don't understand that combination either.
** This is because I was added to the facebook group for it, which is cool, but slightly awkward that (1) no one asked me, (2) didn't apply and (3) it has not yet been mentioned to me by anyone. Honestly, I didn't even know there were committees for this stuff. Awk.
Love,
-J-

Room redecoration ideas

I've decided that in a few weeks, I'm going to devote some time to redecorate my room, something that I inadvertently do every year. Here are a few things that I want to do:

First of all, I want to paint the walls a coral color. Lime green is getting a bit annoying after a year and a half, I'm ready for something new and I don't have the same incredible aversion to pinkish colors that I did several years ago. Coral is a very lovely color, though I may get a little hung up on finding the perfect shade in between not-too-orange and not-too-pink.

 

 I want to paint a tree on my wall in dark brown or black. Just a silhouette, as I'm not that artistically talented, and even that will probably be with the help of a projector.

 I also want to rid my walls of the clutter I've collected over a few years. I only want to put nice things on the walls, as opposed to everything from old calender pictures to ratty posters to pencil drawings on looseleaf. I want to do something with frames.

 

So yeah. My thoughts for today. 

Love-

The past revisited

My parents invited my former youth pastor and his wife over to our house for supper. I haven't talked to them for around two and a half years. It's a long story but the gist of it is that they left my church under some strange circumstances. At that point in time I was really close to them and they were major influences in my life. Due to some recent events, however, my parents got close to them again.

I'm just really nervous and needed to jot down some thoughts. It's just really weird to see people over at your house after they disappeared from your life several years ago. I'm kind of scared to leave my room to go see them because it has a lot of potential to be awkward, or something. Now I'll suck it up and go talk to them.
Love,
-J-