Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Honey badgers FTW.
Everything you didn't want to know about honey badgers, as told by John Green. Because your day needs this. Honestly.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Today, this isn't for you.
I remember reading somewhere in the Emily of New Moon series that there is a moment in every woman's life where she can distinctly remember passing from childhood to adulthood.
It's been a year today.
A lot has happened. Honestly, my life has been pretty screwed up but I've made it through stronger.
It's weird to think of how things used to be. I spent the most enjoyable moments of my childhood with you, treasured those moments and the time we've spent together, the emails we've sent back and forth when we lived across the continent from each other.
Then last year, on this day, my world fell apart. Everything didn't make sense. My emotional distance got the best of me. That moment came when I passed from childhood.
What really got me was that it could have happened to anyone, but it happened to you. Simply going a little too late on a yellow light on the way back from church. My closest childhood friend, a kindred spirit, an all around amazing person. I've established a huge fear of losing people I love since then.
That night, I walked around my neighborhood for hours. I prayed, I cried, I paced, and I don't know much of what else I did. I have memories of a huge blur of pain, confusion, denial, so many things.
Going to your funeral was crazy. At the visitation I wasn't expecting an open casket and after a long day of traveling it caught me off guard. I wish I had a better last memory of seeing you, because there you didn't even look like you. It wasn't you. The essence of you was gone.
It made a really weird atmosphere when Ben, Josh and Jeremy were on pretty potent pain killers. It broke the tension of the situation, but also made it sadder. So many mixed emotions. Especially when Jeremy sat in his wheelchair with a beat up face and opened his birthday presents after the visitation. Ben was not really there. I think the hefty amounts of Vicodin took the edge off for him. But seeing Josh was heartbreaking. He was the least medicated and beat up of the bunch and he had this sadness hanging around him as he smiled and accepted people's hugs and condolences.
Everywhere in those few days I found little pieces of you. Little pieces of you in the surreal, unfamiliar place.
I miss you and it still doesn't make sense, but I'm coming to terms with it... I think. Now that I think about it, out of everybody, I think that you would be the most okay with going, even only at 15. But I can't help but see how much potential you had to make this world a fantastic place because you were slightly strange and never did quite fit in. Things that you cursed yourself for were your biggest strengths, too. I don't know why you were taken so early and I don't think I ever will.
But someday, we'll meet again. I'm looking forward to it :) (here's an emoticon, which I used to use just to bug you.)
Love,
-J-
It's been a year today.
A lot has happened. Honestly, my life has been pretty screwed up but I've made it through stronger.
It's weird to think of how things used to be. I spent the most enjoyable moments of my childhood with you, treasured those moments and the time we've spent together, the emails we've sent back and forth when we lived across the continent from each other.
Then last year, on this day, my world fell apart. Everything didn't make sense. My emotional distance got the best of me. That moment came when I passed from childhood.
What really got me was that it could have happened to anyone, but it happened to you. Simply going a little too late on a yellow light on the way back from church. My closest childhood friend, a kindred spirit, an all around amazing person. I've established a huge fear of losing people I love since then.
That night, I walked around my neighborhood for hours. I prayed, I cried, I paced, and I don't know much of what else I did. I have memories of a huge blur of pain, confusion, denial, so many things.
Going to your funeral was crazy. At the visitation I wasn't expecting an open casket and after a long day of traveling it caught me off guard. I wish I had a better last memory of seeing you, because there you didn't even look like you. It wasn't you. The essence of you was gone.
It made a really weird atmosphere when Ben, Josh and Jeremy were on pretty potent pain killers. It broke the tension of the situation, but also made it sadder. So many mixed emotions. Especially when Jeremy sat in his wheelchair with a beat up face and opened his birthday presents after the visitation. Ben was not really there. I think the hefty amounts of Vicodin took the edge off for him. But seeing Josh was heartbreaking. He was the least medicated and beat up of the bunch and he had this sadness hanging around him as he smiled and accepted people's hugs and condolences.
Everywhere in those few days I found little pieces of you. Little pieces of you in the surreal, unfamiliar place.
I miss you and it still doesn't make sense, but I'm coming to terms with it... I think. Now that I think about it, out of everybody, I think that you would be the most okay with going, even only at 15. But I can't help but see how much potential you had to make this world a fantastic place because you were slightly strange and never did quite fit in. Things that you cursed yourself for were your biggest strengths, too. I don't know why you were taken so early and I don't think I ever will.
But someday, we'll meet again. I'm looking forward to it :) (here's an emoticon, which I used to use just to bug you.)
Love,
-J-
Friday, November 25, 2011
Christmas, Christmas time is here.
I woke up to a winter wonderland on Wednesday, our first snow day of the season. We actually shoved off the barbeque so we could have hamburgers for supper. Canada can't get us down!
Today the choir sang at the Mayor's Christmas Tree lighting, an attempt for people to actually see the city's government doing something with the public. We were pretty kickass. We sang a bunch of Christmas carols and even managed the Hallelujah chorus a capella. I love looking out on to the crowd and seeing people singing along and smiling. After that we went inside Market Square and took advantage of the acoustics offered by standing on the balcony, by invitation of course, as kids on the main floor lined up to see Santa (who actually had a legit long white beard.)
We sing at the Empty Stocking Fund tomorrow, a live TV broadcast fundraiser to help poor families around Christmas. Us girls get to wear our bright red spiffy choir dresses and the guys suit up and put on bow ties (bow ties are cool.) We will wack that Hallelujah chorus out of the hypothetical park.
In another choir note, I found of group of slightly awkward Doctor Who fans to hang out with. *score!* Actually, I was hanging out with them before I realized that they were Doctor Who fans. I guess I'm just getting good at picking friends. Or I'm naturally attracted to awkward people.
Love,
-J-
PS- I got tumblr. Here's the link (right here, click here!), for those of you interested. Give me a shout in the comments if you want me to follow you and/or have some suggestions of who to follow. I'm still figuring it out, forgive me.
Peace, homies.
Monday, November 21, 2011
I'm in love with a Bolivian alpacha sweater.
I went to a coffee house at school tonight. It was epic. It included everything from a poem about wool socks, the Beatles, an angsty teenage song called "I Hate Christine," the Pokemon theme song, a guy hitting every high note of "Halo" and some crazy things which I'm unable to describe in words. I was sitting at a table with some of the IB Music kids, who are rather hilarious. Coffee house=happy.
After half a mug of starbucks coffee, I really hope I can sleep.
Love,
-J-
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