Hello darkness, my old friend.

I thought I was coping with university preparation but then I got plowed down with stress and anxiety. I'm coming face to face with the huge commitment I need for school and my 47 book long reading list for the year plus a ton of writing, and all the while I'm going to be four hours away from my family, especially because my grandparents are moving into town while I'm away.

I'm really bad at dealing with extended stress. For example, I suddenly noticed I haven't eaten much for the last two weeks because I haven't been able to stomach much. Also, my system being the eccentric annoyance that it is, I get lactose intolerant when I'm stressed. Since I got back from Osheaga, I haven't been able to drink milk without feeling disgusting afterwards. In addition to dietary stuff, I've been regularly walking a predetermined loop through suburbia which is more or less a nervous habit I developed a few years back.

Basically, my preparation has included procrastinating, panicking, and then impulsively doing thing. Today I had a strong urge to go a thrifting journey just for flannel plaid shirts because I felt it would be beneficial to me as a liberal arts student. I'm not actually doing anything real to prepare, just working my way down a list of superficial things that help me feel like I'm not slacking entirely.
Hearts,
Julianne

Another day, another dollar.

The last few days have found me saying "I don't care, I'm gone in two weeks" excessively but not unnecessarily.

This has become especially relevant at work. I can get away with a plethora of little things because of my truly apparent apathy. This includes but is not limited to:

• stealthily giving friends free drinks (my personal rule is for friends it's free unless it's a fappuccino or I'm working with a shift who scares me)
• giving strangers free drinks on a whim to be nice
• spilling drinks on strangers. Oops.
• not charging for extras (i.e. soy, syrup, etc) because I like certain people
• charging for every single extra when I don't like certain people
• telling my co-workers to go on frequent smoke breaks because I don't care at all
• when making two consecutive of the same cold tall drink, I've been making a venti and pouring it into two tall cups. I've also been charging accordingly because I don't give a damn about sales. I don't want people to pay $9 for the exact same quantity of liquid they could get for $5.50.
• persuading my coworkers with my charm and the "I'm leaving in two weeks I know you'll miss me" card so they open fall drink components so I can get some fall drinks a month before they roll them out and I, then no longer their employee, will have to pay for them. I plan to drink all the illegitimate preseasonal salted caramel mochas courtesy of my manipulative skills.
• getting my free drinks that when punched into the register come to ridiculously high prices, which today included a $5.42 short, followed later by an impressive $7.06 grande. It's fun shocking my co-workers with my ability to casually customize my drink to that level of intensity. 
• Making under the table survey deals with my co-worker's boyfriend, that if he gave us all fives on the survey, I would give him a complimentary grande beverage instead of a tall. This is entirely a selfish move because work is really chill when our survey marks are up.
• Riffling through merchandise while on the clock during slow times to see if there's anything I want to buy while I still have discount. Unfortunately, both the Cole Porter and the Motown CDs were sold and I'm sad. 
• Considering taking a small plastic french press scoop that no one uses it and I lost mine at home. 
• I answered Reeves from across the store that we don't recycle because we don't believe in the environment. Kim thought I was talking to a stranger and was a little mortified at how cavalier I was but it didn't amount to anything.

And yet I'm still not doing anything I can get seriously reprimanded for. At least I'm not taking bottles of bathroom cleaner like one guy at another store did. It really messed up their inventory but I hear he has an exceptionally clean bathroom. That said, the fact that well over half of the Starbucks employees in the city know about this guy's exceptionally clean bathroom and the fact that his girlfriend of ten years left him for a woman, it reminds me of the weird barista subculture in my city. I think I'll miss their gossip, complaining about people, sharing protips, and not being expected to pay for drinks.
Hearts,
Julianne

BEDA 10

This isn't working this year. I'm too overwhelmed with life and I don't feel the need to capture it in writing.

I'll keep posting but rather at a voluntary instead of daily pace.

Love you guys.
Juliae

BEDA 9: Eugh.

All my emotions for the past two days have been anger, nostalgia and the emotional equivalent of a droning noise.

I got called into work at a busy store and wasn't mentally prepared. I drank a lot of coffee and won Jamie's respect finally. Unlike my store, I eventually had a lovely shift working with people who aren't uptight and anxious women with OCD, who react to my bad puns, and with actual customers coming through.

I took a bunch of pictures today but I just put on nail polish and would wreck it getting my SD card out of my camera.

Oh no it's only the 9th day and I'm already getting lazy. Oh well. It's a day of being tired and lost.
Hearts,
Julianne